The sound of leather on willow, the smell of new mown grass, the sight of Simmo leaning on his bat at the non-strikers end shouting “no run” to his increasingly younger batting partners is a sign that summer has finally arrived. As all of us know John has spent the whole winter sat in his armchair gently linseeding his bat whilst a continuous loop of Australian cricket videos play whispering “One more year and I’ll pack it in.” to himself. Of course we know he never will. Despite his allegiance to Draycott CC, to many in the Somerset cricket leagues, John is Cheddar Cricket Club.
Studied, resolute batting, fair (when it suits) umpiring, inspired field positioning (“Just go over there, stand still and shut up Neil”), fighting grounds men and, of course, the confidence building comments to team mates
(“**** me Heady, You’re a worse player than I thought you were.”) endear him to all.

Lookalike: Santa or Captain Birdseye

Date Of Birth: 8/4/49

Role: LH bat, bowler baiter, temporary sightscreen, organising the field so the youngsters do all the chasing.

Highest Score: 124 not out so far - but time is running out, so that may be as good as it gets!

Best Bowling Return: 9 for 27 Vs Watchet at Sharpham Road in 1994. Stuart bloody Barnes took the other one!

Nickname(s): mostly unprintable.

Hitting Distance: Stand 14 of the MCG

Favourite Ground(s): Wanderers, MCG, Sidmouth and Wookey Hole

Favourite Holiday Destination:

Cricketing Superstitions: Right pad on first. Must have full hip flask in bag (Glenmorangie - see below)

Favourite International Player: Muttiah Muralitheran

Favourite Sporting Moment: Ron Barrassi going clear over the top of the pack to take a mark playing for Melbourne (was VFL now AFL) in 1963.

Motto: You can get it if you really want it

Favourite Film: Lord of the Rings Trilogy, followed by The Sting

Favourite Food: Sea Bass, Malaysian cooking.

Favourite Drink: London Pride, Penfolds Bin 128 Kalimna Shiraz, Taylors 20 year old tawny port, Glenmorangie, Lochan Ora - or whatever is in my glass at the moment.

Favourite Music: The score of Les Mis, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Tina Turner

Other Sports Followed: Golf, Rugby Union, Synchronized Chundering, Aussie Rules.

Favourite Fictional Character: Maxwell Smart

Most Prized Possession: Three of them: 1. My late father's pen knife 2.
Kookaburra Big Kahuna 3. HyperOs

Fly on the wall: Too many to mention, some of which if published would get my collar felt or get me sued.